Like I told you a while back, a relationship problem is what started me on my journey to Mindful Change.

So, as you can imagine, I’ve studied relationships extra closely. It’s made a difference for my own marriage as well as the relationships of several of my clients.

People often come to a Mindful Change session because they know something’s wrong with their relationship. But sometimes, it helps to know what makes a healthy relationship healthy.

Striving for those things instead of pointing out what’s wrong can be extremely helpful.

Here are five things I link to a healthy relationship:

  1. Embracing Conflict: Because a relationship involves you and someone not you, it invariably comes with conflict and challenges. Embrace conflict as an opportunity to learn and move through a challenge together. In a healthy relationship, both of you are ready, willing, and able to become part of the solution.
  2. Active Listening: Don’t just sit there and take turns talking. Listen with the intent to understand versus listening with the intent to speak or reply. When you really hear what the other person is saying, it demonstrates respect, understanding, and care for their perspective. People in a healthy relationship listen so well that they can represent the other person’s viewpoint with clarity.
  3. Demonstrating Understanding: Paraphrase and demonstrate that you ‘get’ the other person. Relationships aren’t about win/lose or right/wrong scoring. They’re about understanding the other person. Ask questions to help you understand, and not to manipulate. When you seek to understand FIRST rather than be understood, you’re in a healthy relationship.
  4. Treating with Equality: In a healthy relationship, there is no control or manipulation. People may play different roles but, essentially, both of them have a voice…and that voice is important. Healthy relationships exist when you both see the other as an equal.
  5. Being Respectful: When you respect someone, you don’t make assumptions, blame, belittle, demean, bad-mouth, or torment the other person. All interaction in a healthy relationship comes from a place of love and respect. You treat your partner the same way you’d like to be treated. How people demonstrate respect for each other is a key sign of a healthy relationship.

Are there other things that go into a healthy relationship? Of course! But every healthy relationship has the above five things as part of its foundation.

If you’re struggling with your relationship or if every relationship you’ve been in has failed, contact me at or call me at 613.601.1083, and we’ll set up a 30-minute discovery session to find the root of your issues and the area you need to focus on most.

I think this week’s quote is amazing.

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
~Thomas Merton

Next week I’m going to share one of my hidden dreams with you. I think it’s time to share it!