Have you ever said ‘yes’ when you wanted to say ‘no’? How about agreeing with someone just to avoid a conflict?
If you have, you’re not alone.
However, setting boundaries and sticking to them is healthy. And it’s impossible to please everyone so, eventually, you’re going to have to handle conflict. If nothing else, you’ll create conflict by agreeing with two people with opposite stances.
Don’t worry. I don’t want you running around like a ‘terrible two’ toddler saying ‘no’ to everything. But I do want you to have enough self-worth that you don’t give away all your time and energy to other people’s wants and needs.
It’s okay to have wants and needs of your own. And it’s okay for you to fill those wants and needs. In fact, you’re the only one you can ever count on to do that.
That isn’t meant to sound harsh or to be a, “you’re all alone in the world” comment. It’s the opposite of that. None of us are all alone in the world, but if we all took care of ourselves, can you imagine how much better things would be?
If you’ve ever flown, you’ve heard the safety speech about putting on your own air mask first. By putting on your mask first, you can then help the people who truly can’t help themselves.
Life is like that. Putting on your own mask first makes you more effective — more helpful, more focused, more able to make a difference, etc., — not less.
If you say ‘yes’ to so many things that you get tired, overwhelmed, or even sick, who’s going to take care of you?
Telling someone ‘no’ will be hard the first few times you do it. But you won’t be the first person to say those words and be better off for it.
And the person you say ‘no’ to isn’t going to shrivel up and die on the spot. If they’re a decent human being, they’re not going to be angry or feel hurt, either. After all, think of all the times you’ve said ‘yes’ to them in the past.
Instead of feeling guilty or worrying that they’ll stop liking or loving you, ask yourself why you feel that way and if it’s logical. (I’ll give you a hint…it’s not!)
Setting boundaries and handling conflicts with calmness and kindness will improve almost every area of your life, and it’s something that everyone can learn to do.
If the mere thought of it still causes guilt or even panic, get in touch with me at heather@mindfulchange.com or call me at 613.601.1083, and we’ll set up a 30-minute discovery session. We’ll talk through some ideas and I’ll give you some suggestions that can help.
If you want to read a little more on this topic, check out this blog post.
Next time we’ll talk about playing bigger in your life.
I saw this quote and knew you’d love it!
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”
~Coco Chanel
That’s pretty great, isn’t it? It’s inspiring and challenging all at the same time.
I hope these posts are doing that for you and anyone you forward them to. Change seems scary, but the results of it are so worth it!
I hope you have a great rest of your week, and I’m looking forward to next time!